Today, after a long break, I received your long letter of 4/12/45 and v-mail of April 13th. It's a pity that the two had to arrive together, because I read the V-mail first, and after reading it I had a terrific urge to stuff both letters down your throat. After waiting for mail for what seemed like an eternity, to receive a letter of that type—
I have not received your "nasty" letter as yet, but from the contents of the v-mail I gather it is a very, very pretty letter. If you expected repercussions, there won't be any. My words have already taken effect, just as much as yours, in reply, hurt. Perhaps now you will understand how I felt when I first read that you had cut your allotment to me. It ate my heart out - but it doesn't bother me one little bit now. I know we heartily disagree on the matter of money. You hate being kept to a close budget and I despise it even more so than you, having Adele to think about. However, I must admit my disappointment at not being able to come to my husband in the matter of money. I always believed that charity started at home. In your letter of the 12th you quoted Mrs. Davies as follows: “Well, Philip, we must sacrifice something if we hope to attain anything, mustn't we?" This was in connection with Judith's schooling. I'm glad you feel that Judith is entitled to her fun and good times now - it's certainly more than I had at her age. First it was my rotten grandmother spoiling my life, then it was the Army - is it any wonder why I'm so tired of responsibility - it's more than you've experienced in the four years we've been married. Phil, ever since I gave birth to Adele the matter of finances to raise her has been mostly mine. When I felt I could no longer stand the strain I decided to return to work and though the added strain of a job proved difficult many times I have gained a peace of mind with it that I will not part with. Phil, you've described the life the Davies lead to perfection. Do you think you can ever make such a kind of life possible for me and Adele? You, personally, have made no effort in that connection - even though you do have the opportunity to save something to get you off to a good start once you come back. I have not touched one penny of the money you send me as savings, only because I want you to get started right. Doesn't it matter to you? When I didn't fully agree with you on the matter of a business you were ready to give up. Phil, I wonder whether you realize how important it is that you have financial stability once the war is over. Are we to continue living in someone else's house, having others help us pay our bills - that's been eating my heart out for all of two years now. You'll never be able to get even as much as a start unless you have something to start with. I get so darn full talking about it that I want to bawl all over the place.
The packages have already gone off and I do not feel that I had to give up anything to send them. I merely gave that particular incident as an example of some of the things I want to do and cannot as often as I should like to. Nor will I give up savings to do it because savings do matter very much to me. I have stuck to my guns for almost a year now and when my year is up I'll be able to show something for it. You needn't squander your savings on mere gifts for me or send me any of your savings to show off. I deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness, baby, and it made me inexpressably happy to receive your gifts. You were the one, not me, that offered the allotment, and that made me very happy. Have it your way - as long as you're happy about it.
Your detailed letter of the 12th about your trip to Meadowcroft would have made very interesting reading under other circumstances. As it was, I had little taste for anything.
Harry Weinman writes that he may be shipped back to the States to a hospital for further medical care. I think that would do him more good than anything.
Incidentally, our Harry says that business is picking up and from what I can glean he makes in the neighborhood of about $100 per week, providing it stays this way. He'll make much more when the season gets underway. Harry and Goldie themselves are shining examples of how the financial aspect affects married life. When Harry wasn't making enough the going was tough and rough. It isn't difficult to see how satisfied they are that they do not have to keep to a strict budget. Goldie expects to spend the entire summer in Poughkeepsie with her folks with Diana. Harry sometimes works seven days a week and probably will keep up the practice as the summer sets in. He doesn't mind her leaving him here, as he realizes that it will be a complete rest for her.
I stopped at Lorstan after work today and there were only 200 people ahead of me (I'm not exaggerating on the figure one bit). I told her I couldn't wait and would stop back some other time. Ruth got her finished photo today and the coloring, which only cost her $3 is awful. If they finish off Adele's picture like that I'll positively slug them. I intend to stop there one day before going to work.
There isn't much else to say. I worked, came home, fed Adele and put her to bed. She was very annoying and kept bothering me every two minutes for something else. It was ten o'clock when I finally managed to come down and get started on this. Mom went to the movies with Mrs. Frommer to see "And Now Tomorrow". I had hoped to join Sylvia and Miriam in town this evening for some much needed recreation and relaxation - but a mother has no choice regardless of what she needs. It's very late and I'm very worn and sleepy.
Tomorrow I shall try to catch up on my recreation by getting out with Adele. I’ll have to get to bed early, for Monday evening, after Adele has had her injection, is always a bad one and I want to be rested.
Sylvia has the snaps that we took when I visited her and says they turned out nicely. I may see her tomorrow and if so, will include the snaps with this letter, providing she will give them to me.
Russian troops are in Berlin at long last and V E day becomes more of a reality day by day.
April 22, 1945
Sorry I had to end off so abruptly last night, but a splitting headache made me call it quits. Adele kept me up most of the night - and I don't know why. Consequently, I am still tired and aim to catch a nap, if she will permit. I was up fairly early and cleaned our room thoroughly, as it was in need of a good cleaning. Adele and I stayed out from 11:45 till 12:30 when I brought her in for lunch. It is now 2 o'clock and she isn't asleep yet. Methinks I shall dress her again and keep her up till six, at which time she will go to sleep pronto. See you later -
I kept Adele up and she was fast asleep at 6:15, after a hot bath and dinner, Sylvia came and I detest the snaps. Both Adele and I look awful, so I'm not sending them along. I'm kind of weary, but since Syl came up for dinner and we have nothing to do, I'm going to take in a movie with her. I'll say so long for now and want to tell you just once more that I love you ever so much and that love grows in spite of our differences. Good night, baby, and sure do wish you were my date.
21 April 1945
All settled in our new hut now. I'm dashing this off before making for the ablution and a much-needed shower. Just got back from the movies, where Klein and I saw "Practically Yours" with Fred MacMurray and Claudette Colbert. It is the type of comedy I always enjoy. Sorry I couldn't write these past few nights, darling, but we've been up to our ears in work, and what with moving and all, I hardly had time to breathe. Your letter of 8-9 Apr arrived on the 19th. It contained the snaps of the punkin. I won't pretend that they were much good - you know better and the one in which you appear was poor, too, unfortunately. However, this afternoon brought your letter of 11 Apr (which is pretty good for Air Mail) with that very nice snap of Mom and you and Adele. Too bad Rae didn't get more of herself into the picture. Mom looks nice and streamlined, and better than I've seen her looking in years. Adele, bless her, looks like she'd been holding her breath too long, and you, my sweet, look absolutely adorable, which means that you look just like the Chippie I remember. As a matter of fact, it is so good a likeness that I caught my breath when I looked at it. The contents of the letter were partly in answer to my longie of 20-24 Mar. I was very happy with your explanation, Sweet, and it served to put my doubts at rest. But about Petey's remark - I can't imagine how he bases his opinion of me. He certainly never knew me well enough to really "know" me, which, of course, if he meant it sincerely, makes the remarks all the more flattering. You also tell about receiving the bracelet. I learned in a later V-mail that you broke it accidentally. That’s too bad, honey, ’cause you could have made it fit your wrist by merely immersing it for a few moments in hot water, which would make it pliable enough to bend to shape. But don't feel badly about it, baby - I'll try to get another one - only nicer. Tell Ethel for me that I wanted to write to Harry, but never did get the opportunity. I'll try to do so within the next few days. By the way, dearest, what I told you in V-mail (19 Apr) means just what you would want it to mean. I love you. When you're dreaming about the future, darling, don't forget to include
Your adoring Phil