Thursday, October 27, 2022

Post #642 - May 5, 1945 Please Try to Believe that I’m Doing the Best I Know How in All “Departments”


5 May 1945 

Dearest Darling,

Last night I spent two hours filling three large pages with reasons why I took exception to most of the things you said in your letter of 21 Apr. During the course of my remarks, though, I said some things that were calculated to cut deep. When I finished I went to the movie to see "And now Tomorrow." On my return to the hut re-read what I had written, and then, liking myself very little for trying to hurt you (even tho' my remarks were justified and you deserved to be hurt a little) - I tore the letter and discarded it. I had done a lot of figuring totalling up the money I received since I've been overseas, the amount I had sent home (which you might be interested to know was 45% of total income), and pointing out to you that financially you have lost not a penny by my absence. Two sentences in your letter inspired hot retorts that I hope I will never be foolish enough to repeat. (1) Your implication that thru the past four years I have either not known or failed in my “responsibilities as husband and father.” (2) Your assertion that I have no appreciation of money, and your general attitude that I am not doing as well by you and myself as I might. Well, Chippie,  you can take my word for it I had plenty to say to defend myself on both scores, but however rationally I tried to explain my side of it, and in spite of my best efforts to prevent it, I felt, on re-reading what I had written that there was too much of bitterness and condemnation contained therein to be taken with impunity by you, darling, whom I love so much, and whom I am sworn to keep from hurt. That is why, baby, although my arguments in self-defense were entirely adequate (at least as far as I am concerned), I destroyed the letter. After all, Sweet when you consider the magnitude of the world-shaking events now taking place, it must seem very petty and foolish that we persist in quibbling over something that you only suspect, and I deny. Since I have neither the time nor the inclination to defend myself from your allegations, I consider it both ill-timed and unfair of you to criticize any act of mine. When I come home dear, I’ll give you all the argument you want and more! I just remembered that we once had a spat that resulted in your “going home to mother” (for a few hours). Don’t you consider it as significant, darling, that I can’t recall any inkling of what we had words about? Evie, sweetheart, please try to believe that I’m doing the best I know how in all “departments.” If I fail to come up to your expectations or requirements in any instance, please try to remember that I am, after all, merely human, and therefore subject to mistakes and failings. Good night, my lovely. Love to Adele.

Your Phil

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