April 4, 1945
I didn't get the opportunity to start an air-mail letter last night, as I had promised in yesterday's v-mail, so will make up for it now.
Upon arriving home and finishing dinner, I went over to my mother's to get Adele. She wasn't feeling or looking well and most of the evening was spent in trying to get her to bed. She seemed a bit feverish, so I gave her the chocolate aspirin Dr. Gayl prescribed and a warm glass of tea with lemon. Being very irritable I had a picnic getting her undressed and into her pajamas. Once she was ready for bed and had partaken of the aspirin and tea she was okay. She lay her head on my shoulder and I walked about the room with her, singing to her until she became very drowsy. She was fine all night long and awoke feeling very chipper this morning.
I rested until she fell asleep soundly and then proceeded to wash some clothes, shower and set my hair. When I finished I went downstairs, had some milk, filed my nails, knit for about 15 minutes on her sweater and listened to the radio. I purposely sat up till 11, wanting to pick her up and put her on the toddy before retiring for the night. As it was, I came upstairs to find her in a pool, almost up to her ears (from the tea) and that's the first time she's wet the bed in ages. I changed her and the bed and she went right back to sleep,
So you can see, honey, that I had a full evening and though I did want to write, I could not. Guess you won't mind too much for I shall try to make this as long as I can.
There was one other thing I didn't tell you about Jack Nerenberg. He has a new address: Pvt. J. Nerenberg, 32,983,798, Co. A, 34th Bn., Camp Crowder 8, Mo. When I told you I had received a letter from him I neglected to note the new address. I wonder what he's doing out in Missouri, especially now that he's engaged and planning marriage. I wrote him a rather lengthy letter and expect a reply with the next few days, at which time we'll both be enlightened as to his present situation.
It may interest you to know that I'm doing all I possibly can do to gain weight. I'm resting whenever possible and mean to gain weight, no matter what I have to do. Of course there are times when I have no choice, but for the most part I'm not doing anything beside my job and taking care of Adele, which is enough in itself.
We gave the parlor covers in to be cleaned and it will cost $4.50 for the job. We're all chipping in toward the total amount. It's about time the covers were cleaned anyway, as they haven't been cleaned in two years.
After days of unusually warm weather, it turned very cool today. It was too warm for this time of year anyway, so it's just as well.
I am typing this before I go to my mother's for Adele. I started it at the office and am finishing at home. We had a letter from Eddie Strongin telling us that he was going to visit Jean Levin, who is stationed at Verdun. I haven't had any mail from you for two days (ain't it arwful?) and undoubtedly there will be something for me tomorrow. So, long for now, sweetness, I "yove" you so much and I want to hold you in my arms -
4 April 1945
Yesterday afternoon brought your long typed letter that you started on 3 Mar, and finished on 4 Mar. I was so burned up by it that not even some of the very nice things you say served to dampen my anger. This was the letter, too, which brought those lovely pictures of Adele taken in the house. More about them later, but right now I want to tell you, Sweet, that all last night I was so annoyed with you because of the attitude you took about my discontinuing the bonds that I didn't trust myself to write. If I had, I know I would have said a lot of things I might have regretted. Evidently, from the tone of voice you used, you considered my action in the light of a heinous crime against you. Oddly enough, I don't feel that I did anything wrong. I needed the extra money, and that was the only means I had of raising it. As for the things you said about the means I chose to buy your and the Moms' gifts, and how you felt about them as a consequence, I can only say that I could hardly believe what I read. I have good cause to know, Chippie, what store you set by money, but I never dreamed that it was more important to you than the gifts I bought with it. To be perfectly frank, for the first time since I know you, I felt a sense of shame for you. Perhaps it is my fault that I never put my foot down in matters of this kind, but I'm telling you now for the first and last time, I will not stand for you calling me to account for how I spend my money, I realize that it is as much your money as mine, but I claim the right to do with part of our income as I see fit. When I spend “our” money on extravagances, I shall expect you to criticize me for it, but when I want to give you or Adele or the Moms something, and you baldly state that you wouldn't accept it if you knew it was at the expense of the allotment I get so damned mad, I can't see. I despise the type of person who is so mercenary that he loses any appreciation for the other little things. God knows, baby, you have also spent “our” money for gifts, and to a much greater extent than I could ever presume to do without you risking your displeasure, I, too, might have pointed out that the money you regularly spend for birthday gifts and other gifts for all and sundry could also have been put in the bank, but you know I wouldn't dream of calling you to account for any amount of money you might care to spend. You know that I feel that you wouldn't knowingly spend money unwisely, nor would I question your right to do so if you so saw fit. I expect no more nor less than the same treatment. Needless to say, you have driven any further thought of gift buying completely out of my mind by your attitude. Moreover, and I can't help feeling this, I hope you gain some pleasure from the fact that you have done a very complete job of robbing me of the pleasure of giving those things you have already received and have yet to receive, When you receive the gardenia corsage, for instance, I hope it occurs to you that the money I paid for it, together with the money I paid for the Moms f'lowers and the punkin’s doll and the cosmetics (that, from today's V-mail acknowledging their receipt you said were so *wonderful") and the bracelet would have bought almost two of your precious bonds. Rarely, in my whole life, have I ever been so humiliated as I was by your letter. I can't warn you too strongly, Ev, against persisting in your attitude. More than once, I have found it necessary to caution you that your regard for money and the things it will buy is much too strong for my taste. I'm sick to death of the way you harp on it, and I don't want to hear another word about it - even by implication. Remember, Eve, that as much as you condemn my tendency to "free handedness" with our money, just so much do I decry your preoccupation with it. Unless you give me a free hand with "my” funds, as I do you with yours, we're going to have some really serious disagreements. I'm all too aware that you don't trust me with money - (at least to do as you would with it), and you have ample cause to feel that way, I grant you, but you must also concede that I also have some rights in the matter, even if I do feel justified in sacrificing two bonds for the sake of buying gifts. Furthermore, I shall spend or save my money according to my sense of values with out deeming it necessary to advise you how or why. Since we can't agree on how it is best to use money, I think it is only fair that my opinions and wishes be given equal consideration with yours. You ask me if I don't think $8 is a lot of money for the packages you sent me. Having a pretty good idea of what $8 means to you, I can only say that a lot of money is putting it mildly, it's downright exorbitant! - Much too much to spend just for the sake of giving your husband a moment of pleasure in receiving it, and I trust you didn't compute, too, what part of that $8 worth went into the bellies of my buddies! I feel downright guilty that I was the cause of you spending $8 that might have otherwise gone into the bank account - I really do. Your big gripe, I think, is that the $28 I used to draw before I discontinued the allotment for the bond was sufficient for my needs for a month. True enough - it is quite enough for my customary needs, but it just so happened (because I felt like it) that I wanted to send those gifts - but I'm talking in circles - I think you get the point. To close this miserable letter, let me say that I tried not to write it, but when I'm tread on (as I consider I have been in this case) I instinctively strike back. My instinct to spare your feelings on this occasion was overruled by the other - that is all I can apologize for. No doubt all the foregoing will make you feel very badly, my darling, even to tears, but to compensate you for that know that nothing has brought me closer to tears in years than this letter of yours. Not for any sense of guilt on my part, but for bitterness and regret that you could say what you did, you might just as well cut me with a knife as tell me you are disgusted with me. You don't know me at all, Chippie, (or you have forgotten) if you thought that I could read your letter without being very greivously hurt by it (as you so naively "hope" I won't be), - But I have said all I am going to say tonight. If I have not defended my actions to your satisfaction, Chippie, you may be very sure that it is only because I hate the thought of having to do so for you. Please, if you love me, never make me do so again.
I'm in no fit frame of mind to write of other things tonight, my sweet; at the moment I only feel an overwhelming desire to hold you close to me and let the sweet balm of your body soothe the ache of the anger and mortification that is in me. I love you so much, my Eve, - Perhaps that is why you hurt me so easily. I know that I have hurt you in turn, my darling, and I'm sorrier than you can ever know that it was necessary, but I trust you to understand the necessity for me to save my own self-respect, and, possibly, yours. I trust, too, that you are acute enough to profit from this letter. Good night, my darling, and if I've brought the tears, here's a kiss for each one, I love you - always. Try to forgive